Of all the modern genres of music (that is, excluding
classical and jazz), rock is the genre whose classic bands thrive the longest.
Check any radio dial in the country, and you’ll find one classic rock station
for every modern rock station. And time has led to the true classics surviving,
while other music that may have been popular at the time loses steam over the
years. But for every REO Speedwagon who faded into obscurity over time, there’s
a Red Hot Chili Peppers that somehow remained relevant and, in many cases,
respected. So here are ten “classic” bands whose place in history it may be
time to rethink.
10. The Beatles
“Wait a minute! How
dare you put the Beatles on this list!” I can hear some of you saying. Others
are formulating angry responses, closing the window and perhaps throwing away
their entire computer for good measure. But hear me out here!
I’m not saying the
Beatles are bad, or that they weren’t hugely influential—those facts are
indisputable. What I’m saying here is that we need to get past the idea that no
one could possibly top the Beatles’ music. Take for, example, Rolling Stone
magazine's 2012 list of the top 500 albums of all time. They list a whopping
four Beatles albums in their top ten, and a fifth at number fourteen. Yes, the
Beatles are responsible for some groundbreaking, classic albums, but are they
really that much better than everyone else? It’s possible that they’ve since
been topped, maybe by Radiohead or Arcade Fire, maybe even in their own time by
their contemporaries the Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin. I’m not saying that’s
the case, but it’s time to stop dismissing the idea out of hand. It’s not like
Rubber Soul is the Bible of music; it’s important music, but it has probably
been surpassed over time.
9. Soundgarden
Soundgarden is
arguably the first “grunge” band—that term is another issue entirely, since
grunge really doesn’t exist. Think about it: what exactly do Nirvana, Pearl
Jam, Soundgarden and Alice In Chains have in common musically, besides a city
and a time period? But anyway… Soundgarden was the first of
those Seattle bands to form, but didn’t garner much mainstream recognition
until Nirvana and Pearl Jam became successful. 1994’s Superunknown is considered their magnum opus, and earned a spot on
Rolling Stone’s 2012 list of the top 500 albums of all time.
Maybe you have the
stomach for sludgy riffs and shrieking vocals, but I’m good without. I’ve never
understood the appeal of this band, nor have I understood all the people
claiming that Chris Cornell is one of the greatest rock singers ever. Sure, he
has an impressive range, but his version of “singing” mostly consists of
shrieking like a banshee. Noted rock critic Robert Cristgau was often critical
of Soundgraden, admitting to “having mocked this group’s conceptual pretensions
for years.” Moreover, the band just isn’t that relevant today; I can’t think of
one single band that takes its cues from Soundgarden.
8. Guns ‘n’ Roses
Other than the
Beatles, this is the band on the list whose popularity makes the most sense.
GNR burst onto the scene in 1987 with Appetite
for Destruction, which was heavy, edgy, and dangerous sounding: everything
bands like Cinderella and Def Leppard weren’t. GNR was a throwback band;
stories of drug-fueled excess followed them everywhere, plus their guitarist
was always wearing a top hat. But that was then; do Guns ‘n’ Roses really seem
that edgy today? Even at the time, they weren’t always positively reviewed by
critics; Dave Ling of Metal Hammer was a vocal critic, saying that Appetite for
Destruction basically constituted second-rate reheating of AC/DC, Aerosmith and
Hanoi Rocks' ideas.], while Sputnik
music gave to a 2.0 out of 5. The image was a huge part of their success, and
without the image, you have to face actually listening to Axl Rose’s
high-pitched whine of a voice, not to mention the nine-minute, multi-part piano
epics they subjected their listeners to on the Use Your Illusion albums because Axl suddenly decided he was Elton
John. In short, this is a band whose initial popularity makes complete sense;
their enduring legacy much less so.
7. Oasis
In England,
especially, Oasis is revered as the seminal band of the ‘90s, which makes
little sense when Radiohead and Pulp are from the same country, and Pearl Jam
and Nirvana are from the same decade. Nonsensical lyrics like the infamous
“slowly walking down the hall, faster than a cannonball” (from “Champagne
Supernova) accompany simple songs that basically just sound like rewritten
Beatles songs. At the time it came out, (What’s the Story) Morning Glory?,
their magnum opus, released to lukewarm reviews, with David Stubbs of Melody
Maker writing "What's the Story [sounds] laboured and lazy. On this
evidence, Oasis are a limited band.” Much of their mystique was fueled by the
stories of wildness and infighting between the Gallagher brothers, as well as
their feud with fellow Britpoppers Blur. All of that made sense in the
mid-‘90s, but when a band becomes famous for reasons that have little to do
with music, it doesn’t really lend itself to classic status 20 years later—or
shouldn’t, anyway. Here was a band that was upfront about what they wanted from
the start—their first single is called “Rock ‘n’ Roll Star.” And they did get
what they wanted; whether they deserved it is another matter entirely.
6. The Offspring
This is the first of
three ‘90s punk bands I’m putting on this list. The reason for that is pretty
simple: right now we’re at the point when people who grew up listening to this
kind of music are adults, and many of them have jobs in music journalism and
are trying to justify their former love of these ‘90s punk bands by claiming
that they’re really important in history. The problem with that is that just
because you listened to something growing up doesn’t make that music important
or good. This was music geared towards kids and teens in the ‘90s, and was
purposefully immature and “rebellious.” It wasn’t really intended for mature
audiences, and shouldn’t be discussed in the same breath as contemporaries like
Fugazi and Black Flag. And that’s fine; it was never meant to be. This was a
band for skateboarding kids to listen to in 1994; it later became the band that
thought it was funny, which resulted in the execrable “Pretty Fly (For a White
Guy),” which inexplicably became their most popular song.
5. Blink-182
This one is
especially baffling to me; it seems essentially like the equivalent of everyone
talking about the greatness on OneDirection in the year 2025. Much like the
Offspring, Blink-182 was never intended for mature audiences; their biggest hit
song, “What’s My Age Again?” is about making prank phone calls and sodomy
jokes, the title of one of their best-selling albums is a thinly veiled
masturbation pun, and this is a band that we’re supposed to take seriously? A
band that has spawned countless articles on their importance in the wake of the
recent departure of lead singer Tom DeLonge? DeLonge himself formed the side
band Angels & Ariwaves in part to distance himself from the immaturity of
Blink-182; some reports have said that he was “embarrassed” by the band. If
DeLonge is embarrassed, then why is the public enthralled? More importantly:
how can anyone stand to listen to those whiny vocals?
4. The Eagles
There are a lot of
people who believe that music will never be better than it was in the 1970s.
The argument there is simple: in those days, you had to be good to be famous,
while today the two have seemingly no relationship. I’m sympathetic to this
argument, but there is a simple counterargument to be made: the existence of
the Eagles. Michael Jackson’s Thriller is the best-selling studio album of all
time, but second on that list? The Eagles’ Greatest
Hits 1971-1975. The thing is, that’s not entirely true; if you look back to
the sales charts in the ‘70s, you’ll find less than acclaimed artists like
Styx, Kansas, and Journey mixed in with the classics like Rumours and Led Zeppelin IV.
It wasn’t as prevalent as it is today; the difference is, most such bad artists
fade away over time, and don’t get grouped into the “classic rock” genre. Not
so with the Eagles, who have somehow managed to stay relevant all this time.
3. Red Hot Chili
Peppers
Yet another immature
‘90s band makes an appearance on this list; sensing a pattern yet? The thing
is, the Red Hot Chili Peppers is a band full of talented musicians; John
Frusciante is excellent, and Flea is talented, even if he goes a bit overboard
with slappin’ da bass sometimes. Unfortunately, they are fronted by Anthony
Keidis, whose obnoxious, rap-speaking lyrics and horrendous lyrics derail any
chance this band had of being worthwhile. Pitchfork’s review of their 2006
album Stadium Arcadium describes the band as “having
spent a two-decade career trafficking in progressively diluted funk songs about
California, sex, and having sex in California,” and asking, “why bludgeon us
with an unwieldy and inconsistent approach… nagged by an annoying tendency to
detour through affirmations of their technical talent and loyalty to
funk-rock?” Red Hot Chili Peppers are the kind of band that names an
album Blood Sugar Sex Magik without a
trace of irony, and includes lyrics like “tick tock I want to rock you like the
eighties, cockblocking isn’t allowed” (from the atrociously named 2011 single
“The Adventures of Rain Dance Maggie”) in their songs. But their biggest crime
of all? Butchering Stevie Wonder’s “Higher Ground.” It’s one thing to cover a
song horribly, but it’s another when it becomes one of the covering band’s
signature songs, and actually eclipses the original in popularity despite being
vastly inferior. Guess whose version comes up first if you search for “higher
ground” on Spotify? Curse you, Red Hot Chili Peppers.
2. KISS
In his book Fargo Rock City, Chuck Klosterman claims
that Kiss is the second-most important band in history, after the Beatles. With
all due respect to Mr. Klosterman, who I think is terrific, that’s an insane
statement. Kiss is a prime example of letting visual appeal and perceived
“coolness” take precedent over actual music. Let’s be honest: no one would care
about Kiss if it wasn’t for the makeup. And while I respect a band that can put
on a good live show, I respect a band who can play good music infinitely more.
I certainly can’t see any reason to play a Kiss record today, yet you’ll hear
“Detroit Rock City” and “Strutter” and many of their other hits on classic rock
radio constantly. Kiss’s Alive placed
159th on Rolling Stone’s top 500 albums list, three spots above
Radiohead’s OK Computer(!!). It just
doesn’t make much sense to continue to play Kiss songs on the radio today, when
the band was never really about music to begin with.
1, Green Day
Green Day is in the
rock and roll hall of fame. I will repeat that. Green Day—the band whose
breakthrough album was named after poop, and whose breakthrough song is about
masturbation—is in a hall of fame dedicated to the very best in rock music.
1994’s Dookie also placed 193rd
on Rolling Stone’s top 500 albums, and 75th on NME’s list, where it
was two sports ahead of the White Stripes’ White
Blood Cells. 2004’s American Idiot
was one of the best-selling albums of the 2000s, but as anyone who has listened
to pop radio has quickly learned, popularity and quality have no relationship
in music. So just because Dookie and American Idiot sold a lot of copies and
made Green Day the favorite band of countless 13-year-olds doesn’t mean these
albums should be inducted into the pantheon of rock greats; maybe instead we
could just leave Dookie in 1994 where
it belongs.
